I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
