id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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