I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
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