Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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