here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
