I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
