bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
