remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
