You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
