She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
