Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
one might say we're banned from that church
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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