She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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