I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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