big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
