It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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