I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
