Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
