He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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