I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
