dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
