Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
