I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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