Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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