Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
