bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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