Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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