God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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