Tell her she can't have a vagina
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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