this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
