HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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