Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
