He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
