Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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