I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize