I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
