Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
