She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
