he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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