1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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