She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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