Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
honey bunches of taint.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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