Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
