Kiss
Puke
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
