The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
