she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
