you turned your livingroom into a bong?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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