An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
