Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
