I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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