I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
