I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
