dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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