He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
