Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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