I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
